Pricks And Puns
by Bloodlustful
Summary: Modifications of scenes in the Friday The 13th movies where Jason Voorhees kills one or more victims who had it coming. Specifically, Jason is able to talk and makes all sorts of morbid puns while killing people who more than deserve it(with a few inevitable exceptions), hence the title. If you love black humor, the idea and the scenes I speak of, then this is the story for you.


Greetings.

My latest of fanfics, which I will be writing now, is actually a modification of some things concerning the Friday The 13th series.

You see, on , there is a list titled "The 20 Most Deserving Victims In The Friday The 13th Films".

For the most part, it is quite enjoyable to read, and indeed it was for me, though there were a couple which I disagreed with in terms of who was part of it(for example, when Vic Faden was entered as # 10 in that list, it was said that sometimes you had to display a little patience for your fellow human beings at the beginning of said entry…which, given that, one, his victim, Joey Burns, was someone who was easily annoying, interfering and unlikable enough to have his nasty death coming to him and, two, saying that you have to show patience IN AN ARTICLE ABOUT VICTIMS IN SLASHER FILMS WHO DESERVED TO DIE is absolutely absurd, as is the fact that Joey wasn't shown as the deserving victim in that entry, especially since Vic told him three times to stop bothering him but he kept on doing so, plus Vic didn't even die, and this was a list about victims who died and deserved it…again, utterly preposterous).

In any case, this story has it so that, unlike what is the case in the actual films, Jason Voorhees can talk, but more than this, I am having it so that he makes fun of each and every one of his victims via puns in these modified versions of specific kill scenes of each movie(mind you, there might be an undeserving victim or two, as well, but that's only if it's required to move the story along).

Furthermore, while the bulk of it will be from what's on the list, it will not only be in the order of the movies instead of how much the victims deserved it, both in terms of when they were made and when the deserving victims were killed, but the couple of slots which I disagreed with are going to have replacement victims that, IMO, should have been occupying them, instead(although, what movies do not contain deserving victims obviously won't be part of this).

Additionally, there will be more than twenty victims in this story, as I wanted to add on a few who really, really, really deserved it like the others you'll read about here.

So if you want to see versions of scenes that are laden with black humor along with the death of one or more victims who had it coming to him and/or her, read on and enjoy!

THINGS TO NOTE:

As I own none of anything concerning the Friday The 13th franchise and indeed it all belongs to its creators, these scenes are not mine and neither is Jason Voorhees despite what I'm doing with them and him.

I am, as you can easily tell from the introduction above, intending to make enjoyable kill scenes from these movies even better and more enjoyable than they already are, so we'll see how I do.

Of course there will be a little bit of non-Jason killing, since I'm using the entire series here for the ones who deserved it the most, mostly according to , but also IMO, whether the ones who wrote the article share said opinion or not, but it's just like the series itself, namely, that the numerous sequels and Jason's actions in them being what is most known and enjoyed, be it the actual movies or this fanfic(btw, the ones who aren't Jason but killed a deserving victim in one of the movies will be making morbid puns, too).

For anyone who's ever been subject to patience-testing people and/or things on numerous occasions(I have myself, as a matter of fact), you will LOVE this story, I assure you(although, if you've seen the movies, you might know what to expect outside of my modifications, but it'll be enjoyable all the same, trust me).

Pricks And Puns

FRIDAY THE 13th

Currently sitting near a boat near the shore of Camp Crystal Lake, also called Camp Blood due to how a then unknown killer, well, killed people there, which caused it to be twice closed, first in 1958 and then in 1962, was Alice Hardy, a counselor who had recently knocked out said killer with a frying pan during the reopening of this camp and her return to it in this year of 1979.

Furthermore, the killer in question, whose name was Pamela Voorhees, as Alice found out when the woman introduced herself to her in a nice way and told her that she was a friend of one of the dead counselors, Steve Christy, was actually, as Alice found out, both, as I said, the killer in question and responsible for Steve's death and that of all of Alice's fellow counselors, her motivation being that she believed all of them responsible for the supposed death by drowning of her son, Jason, for not paying attention when it happened and thus allowing him to die while trying to prove to the kids who constantly tormented him that he could swim(or at least she thought he had died).

Now, after Alice found out the truth, and got into a fight with Pamela after learning that she killed everyone else among the counselors, she thought herself to have gotten rid of her upon the aforementioned frying pan blow and thus not only won the fight like she did, but saw to it that it was over and no more murders would take place at the camp.

Not so, as her nemesis proved when, obviously having regained consciousness and then come after her, snuck up on her and tried to kill her with a machete, which she was carrying as her latest of weapons of the multiple things she used to dispose of her now dead victims, but Alice quickly realized what was happening and picked up an oar to shield herself from the swing of Pamela's machete, making it so that the oar was cut in half and she was unharmed.

However, despite that and how she was able to use the top of the oar, having kept hold of the, well, top half of it, to deflect the next swing of Pamela's machete, she once again got into a big fight with her, this time being knocked down from a punch, although she managed to dodge Pamela's subsequently attempt to impale her via the machete she was carrying.

They then wrestling across the ground, Pamela strangling Alice as much as she would while the latter held her off as much as she could, until Pamela bit Alice's arm, something that resulted in them tussling again until Alice started to stand up, only to be grabbed by the leg and pulled down by Pamela, who got a hold of her, got on top of her and took a hold of her hair as so to smash her face into the ground multiple times, followed by putting her in a headlock which, after a short tussle, Alice broke.

And, after she got Pamela off of her long enough to stand up and run to where the woman had dropped her machete during all of this, she picked it up just as Pamela was standing up once more and ran over to her as fast as she could while holding the machete, with her foe now gaping as she saw this while thinking to herself: "Holy shit! No! This wasn't how it was supposed to fucking happen, dammit!" and moving her head backwards during that state of shock.

"Heads up, bitch!" Alice shouted as she then swung the machete and chopped off Pamela's head. "I'm guessing this machete is sharper than you are, given what I've just done! Anyway, it's been a slice, but this fight now has to end! Just like your life does!"

Pamela's head flew clean off of her body, and just after her hands went up above where her head was until seconds ago and made some movements, the rest of her fell to the ground and she was exactly what she(ironically wrongly)believed her son to be…dead(which, all things considered, was ironic, as well).

FRIDAY THE 13th PART III

Shortly after the son of Pamela Voorhees, namely, Jason Voorhees, had first appeared at Camp Crystal Lake/Camp Blood, meaning to avenge his mother, who was now actually dead, thanks to how she meant to avenge him when she thought he was dead, even though, for the considerable irony mentioned beforehand, he had survived what seemed to be drowning, the camp, unbelievably enough, was still open.

It was ONE DAY after his rampage, which he, as would be discovered, had also survived, as a matter of fact(even though he was both nearly and apparently killed during his fight with a woman named Ginny), the reports of what he did and the aftermath thereof on the news and everything.

Unbelievable, isn't it?

Anyway, let's move on to what victims deserved to be killed here, even though they weren't the first ones Jason ever disposed of, deserving or otherwise.

There was a cantankerous bitch named Edna Hockett, whose husband, Harold Hockett, was, thanks to her and the way she treated him, sufficiently unhappy to not only put away liquor while in the bathroom, but even to eat fish food when feeding the, well, fish they owned.

They also owned rabbits, one of which was among the produce, and, having a sample of some of said food himself, he walked away to bring it back to where the others were, but while he was returning it, he helped himself to some donuts, causing his wife, true to form, to yell at him about that due to how his doctor said he needed to lose weight, and, after taking off to put the rabbit back with the others, things would go from bad to worse to worst for him.

After all, once in the barn where the rabbit pen was, he placed the rabbit into it while also seeing that one of them had died horribly, which made him try and check out what might have happened, well, at least until a snake scared him off, anyway, and while he passed his wife when he was running to the bathroom, with his ever so feud-prone wife barking at him that it was what junk he had eaten, but the bathroom he entered was where he would spend the rest of his life.

After all, he felt like he was being watched while relieving himself on the toilet, and indeed he was, as he found out when, after he turned on the lights and looked this way and that, he was killed by Jason Voorhees with a cleaver to the chest.

"Welcome to CLEAVE-land, loser." Jason said very quietly so that, unlike his actions, his words couldn't be heard. "It would seem that cleavage isn't exclusively a trait of women anymore all of a sudden. Shame that you just died of a heart attack."

Ironically, he didn't deserve it, but the reason we describe his death and what led to it was so that we can move on over to the actual deserving victim, namely, his henpecker of a thundercunt wife, and so it was that, after Edna heard, though she did not see, what had happened, since she wasn't anywhere near the bathroom her husband had gone into before he was whacked(figuratively and literally, the latter in the case of that chest nailing cleaver Jason used), she got up from the couch she was sitting on and went outside to try and find out what happened here.

Going back into the house when she saw nothing, she also didn't see anything unusual(from her standpoint, since she did see Jason in the backyard near the clothesline while looking out the open window after going back in, but thought he was just her husband and so went away from the window to look about further)upon said reentering.

It was an entirely different story when she got to one of the doors, though, because while she was looking in the opposite direction, Jason busted his hand through the part of the door that was a square screen door kind of area and put that hand around Edna's nose and mouth, pulling her back after he got her from behind and then taking a hold of a knitting needle with his free hand, which he promptly slammed into the back of her head.

"Welcome to death's door, bitch." he said. "I do hope my needling wasn't too much for you. You seem to have a killer headache now that I've made a point of nailing you here. So how does that grab you? Anyway, this just has GOT to be too close for comfort."

Much later on, there was a different kind of death deserving victim matter, which, surprisingly, wasn't quite as simple as most kinds of that sort of thing.

There was a trio of biker punks who consisted of a woman named Fox and two men named Ali and Loco.

While their desire to rob Shelly Finkelstein, a really awful guy who had shown to possess the temerity to smash their bikes, and while enjoying every last second of it, no less, was nothing short of most understandable and absolutely justified, the problem was that their response to it, which was getting van gas for an act of setting the barn in which Shelly lived along with Vera, who he had an(unreciprocated)crush on, wasn't the answer and therefore made it so that they would deserve to die.

And sure enough, once they were in there, it was where they would spend the rest of their lives(with the exception of Ali, who would manage to get out alive, though he wouldn't survive his next encounter with Jason).

You see, Jason had been hiding in the barn, and after Fox, as Loco had found out when going about the barn, had been impaled through the neck with a pitchfork by that same Jason, shocked upon discovering this as she hung from a barn rafter, he then turned around to see Voorhees ad nauseum coming at him with another pitchfork.

This one had five prongs, but all of a sudden, Jason put it down, only to pick up a four pronged pitchfork and take the(briefly)apparently in the clear Loco by surprise once more, like he had with the five pronged one.

Having no time to react, he heard Jason say as he drove that second pitchfork(or third, since he dropped the one he was ready to use on Loco before) through his guts: "Yeah, I sure was a pain in the neck to the bitch when I forked her death over to her and had her hang out with me here. Now I'm using another one of these pitchforks to show you how much I hate your guts, although you can go bellyaching about how much you hate this as long as you like in your final seconds of life. Anyway, you're smoked. Quite a position FOUR you to be in, isn't it?"

Later on, despite getting into a fight with Jason, Ali, who, by the way, led the biker trio, actually managed to survive, something that most who faced Jason didn't, but that was more than could be said for Shelly, as, following one of his pranks(his last one), all of which were part of what made it clear how infuriating and unlikable he was, he would, despite it not being seen by anyone, get his via how Jason showed up following that prank of his.

Jason, once Shelly saw him and gasped, said: "Hi there, asshole. Do forgive me for being so cutthroat with you…" and slashed his throat with a blade he was holding, right before the now fatally wounded Shelly started trying to keep standing and moving, followed by Jason saying: "…but being sharp with you is the only way to tell you to cut it out with all that crying wolf shit of yours. But hey, at least I had a howling good time doing so here."

Shelly's corpse would be seen later on, but the woman who saw it(who was Chili, not Vera, as Jason had killed her before he got to Shelly)believed it was just another one of his pranks as he fell to her doorstep, now a corpse, so she didn't know he was really dead, but in any case, let's go to where Jason had, upon recently donning what would forevermore be worn as his trademark hockey mask(ironically thanks to Shelly, as he had been wearing it for his final prank shortly before Jason found and killed him), been hung from the previously spoken of barn by a woman named Christine "Chris" Higgins, who he was targeting, but managed to get himself free of the rope he was being hung with(after putting up his hockey mask, revealing his ugly face and putting it back down after that, oddly enough).

Just before he could attack Chris, though, and after she'd gotten into a fight with him after trying to flee following how she was more fortunate than the others who'd come here, since Jason had killed them, no less(actually managing to stab him in the leg, smack him across the back of the head with a long, heavy piece of wood and drop an entire bookshelf on him prior to the hanging attack, too!), Ali returned and got into his second fight with Jason.

Now, in the first fight, he was fortunate enough to, unlike Fox and Loco, elude being killed by Jason, but this time, he was not so lucky.

Because, see, even though he briefly managed to take Jason by surprise and get a hold of him by charging towards him into the barn from behind, Jason quickly turned the tables by swinging around and chopping off his hand with his trademark machete.

He subsequently quipped: "Well, now, wouldn't you just give the man a hand, bitch?" in what he said to Chris, then he told Ali: "Problem is, attacking me is a sure death sentence unless you can find a means to fend me off, and unlike the bitch here, you can't!"

Following that, he used his machete to repeatedly cut and chop into Ali, both before and after the man hit the ground, and he went on: "So you're grounded, and I'm cutting your ass the fuck down to size! Don't know if I can cause an explosion of blood, but I'll take a stab at it!"

FRIDAY THE 13th : THE FINAL CHAPTER

Jason Voorhees had, once again, been ostensibly killed, this time by the Chris you had read about in the previous movie in this franchise(and right after he finished with Ali, no less), and was on a stretcher with the sheet over his face to signify that he was dead(or so everyone thought), and two of the employees in the Wessex County Morgue that stretcher had been brought into, a man and a woman who went by the names of Axel Burns and Robbie Morgan, respectively, were in the cold room after the former convinced the woman to enter it with him after doing work and eating snacks.

He also brought the stretcher and the "dead" Jason thereon into the room, and after Robbie entered, Axel frightened her, but this was made up for and they started making out, on their way to fucking one another good.

But Robbie was suddenly scared once again, this time because of how one of Jason's hands fell off of the stretcher and made contact with her body, prompting her to leave instead of continuing with Axel, leaving the latter rather disappointed as he took Jason's "corpse" to cold storage, unaware that the stretcher's occupant was not only breathing, but at a time when Axel didn't fully shut the door to the room he put the actually alive, but still seemingly dead, Jason in.

Now, Axel was a rotten creep, so he richly deserved having things go from bad to worse to worst for him, and sure enough, they did, as just after he sat down to watch videos about female aerobics and drink coffee, he not only burned himself by mistake, but seconds thereafter, a very alive Jason showed up with a surgical hacksaw in his hand and not only drove it deep into his throat and sawed into it a bit, but in the process of so doing, he twisted his head 360 degrees.

During this, he said: "Hi there, douchebag dipshit. You thought I was dead, didn't you? Well, you were wrong. Dead wrong. And now, instead of lying in the cold storage room, I'm murdering your ass in cold blood. Oh, yeah, I just SAW you dead. But hey, I really dig you. Why else would you be breaking your neck to spend a little time with me, hmm? Too bad I have to cut this short, but I've got other victims to kill, so I don't have any more time for you, you know? That sit well with you? Looks like it."

FRIDAY THE 13th : A NEW BEGINNING

Unlike the other instances in which he appeared to be killed but actually survived, Jason Voorhees was dead for real this time thanks to a boy named Tommy Jarvis, who killed him with some help from his older sister, Trish Jarvis, during his previous and most recent of onslaughts.

But that didn't mean that anyone was safe from being killed once more, as evidenced by how, at the Pinehurst Youth Development Center, a place for teenagers with problems concerning their behavior and social misfits to live, there was a fat, slow moving, chocolate loving boy named Joey Burns, who was an irritating, domineering, obnoxious, pushy, loud, invasive and unlikable asshole, as well.

Now, given these personality traits, it's rather obvious he was likely to get killed at some point, and sure enough, when he went out in the backyard, where two girls, Robin and Violet, were doing the chore of hanging laundry, and a guy, Victor J. "Vic" Faden, was doing the chore of chopping wood, he signed his own death warrant by doing the following.

First, he went to the former two and offered to assist them with their laundry task, telling them he was good at it, even though he was never assigned to do so.

When Robin told him to leave, Joey, true to form, kept pestering her along with Violet, part of which was offering them half of his chocolate bar, which resulted in it being Violet's turn to tell him to go away, and unlike Robin, she did so in an angry tone of voice, but he once more paid no attention and proved that he was not the kind of guy to help with laundry, thanks to how he tried to show them he could help by reaching down for some of it and smearing chocolate on that freshly clean laundry.

Though he apologized for pissing them off, which of course he did in so doing, he then went over to where Vic was, as I said before, chopping wood, and while he was told to get lost upon greeting him, he offered to help him with the wood chopping and pointed out his two chocolate bars, although he didn't want Vic to tell the girls, and just after he said this, Violet called him an asshole(which indeed he was, well said, Violet).

Telling Vic that he loved it at the place where they lived, with Vic responding that he hated it, Joey kept ignoring how Vic wanted nothing to do with him and how he was making him angry and when he kept talking to him, Vic yelled at him to leave him alone, but Joey disregarded this like he had all the other times that all three of the ones he was bothering made it clear to him that they wanted him to go away.

After putting his chocolate bar onto the log Vic was chopping as an offer for him to eat it later, Vic became further enraged and showed it by chopping said chocolate bar in half, and after Joey said what would turn out to be his last words, namely that Vic was really being out of line, the latter finally reached his snapping point and went forward with his axe to, well, axe Joey to death, saying(read: bellowing explosively and thunderously) the following words as he did so.

"OUT OF LINE, AM I? WELL, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE THE FUCK OUT OF LIFE! I MADE IT CLEAR I WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SO MIGHT I AXE WHY YOU PAID NO ATTENTION TO ANY OF IT?! WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD JUST STOP WORKING AND START HACKING AROUND! I FUCKING MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT I WANTED YOU TO BACK OFF, BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN, SO THIS IS OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL DO IT! I'M CUTTING YOU DOWN TO SIZE HERE, YOU PAIN IN THE PIECE OF SHIT FATASS! CHOP, CHOP, TUBBY! SATAN'S WAITING FOR YOU IN FUCKING HELL! I'M CUTTING YOUR FUCKING LIFE SHORT, JOEY! YOU WOULDN'T GET LOST WHEN I TOLD YOU TO, SO NOW YOUR LIFE IS GETTING LOST! FUCK YOU! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME, YOU FUCK?! FUCK YOU!"

Everyone who saw it was screaming and/or shocked, and later on, when Joey's corpse was found and Vic was in a police car, where he would be headed off to jail(ironically, he was actually calm, cool, collected and happy about that, since as far as he was concerned, anywhere was better than where he'd been living before, plus he'd killed Joey, who richly deserved it, so it was more than worth it in terms of how he'd now be going to prison, most likely with a life sentence), one of the paramedics present was Joey's father, Roy Burns, and the one who was going to be the killer as so to avenge his son, even though no one had anything to do with how Vic killed the(death deserving)pain in the ass Joey.

But now we go much further into this film, as a dirty man(figuratively and literally) named Raymond, who had been first with Ethel Hubbard(who, as you'll soon find out, was even worse than he was)and was now in the woods and spying on naked teenagers who were about to do the do, was then found by Roy(who was disguised as Jason Voorhees)and stabbed right in the stomach with a really big knife.

"I've got a gut feeling that you're feeling a very sharp pain just now, asshole!" Roy told him before pulling it out and adding: "Oh, yes, indeed, you're suffering through and through! I do think it's safe to say that this was a real hole in one for me!"

Now, onto Ethel Hubbard, who, like I said before, was even worse than the still death deserving dirty(again, both figuratively and literally)Raymond, and let me tell you, she was nothing short of horrible(to say the least).

I mean, the bitch not only was odious and loud in terms of being mean to her son, Junior, even going so far as to call him a DILDO at one point, but she delightedly and shamelessly went out of her way to be cruel, rotten and downright vicious towards several kids who wanted to find peace at Pinewoods Halfway House.

She also enjoyed making a joke about Joey's death(granted, he had it coming, but the malice and pleasure of joking about someone dying was there on her part either way), and between that and a whole lot of other shit she pulled, it should hardly come as a fucking surprise that Roy was going to fucking kill the cunt, and sure enough, he did.

Right after Ethel called Junior in to eat her stew(she didn't know he'd ended up getting his head severed while riding on his motorcycle in loops galore due to being upset about getting his ass kicked by an older and still plenty strong and adept in fighting Tommy Jarvis, which was the noise she heard), she was continuing to prepare it while holding a tomato and her last words were asking the(again, unbeknownst to her)now dead Junior if he talked and if he was dumb.

This was actually after Roy had entered and she believed it was Junior, and that same Roy was the reason Junior got beheaded, then she saw his arm, and the cleaver in his hand that he'd used to chop off Junior's head, break through the window to her kitchen just long enough to yelp and open her eyes widely before said cleaver slammed the fuck into her face, Roy saying as he did this: "Let's face the fuck off against one another, bitch. Like mother, like son. Given that you're such a talentless hack, you might want to chop till you drop…dead. You can't do a thing to stop me here, so face it, Hubbard…you're done for! In your face, bitch! Roses are red, tomatoes are too, just like all that blood that's coming out of you! Ha, ha, ha!"

Ethel's hand squeezed the tomato as she fell face down into the stew she'd been making, and Roy, while leaving, said, looking back at the broken window and seeing what position she was in now: "Hey, you've gotten your punishment, so you just go ahead and stew about how you died such a humiliating, painful death as much as you want now that you're down in hell."

Now we go much further…to the final showdown against Roy Burns and his three foes, Tommy Jarvis, Reggie Winters and Pam Roberts, in that barn that the latter two had been hiding in until Pam got a chainsaw and came out to, after a time of the chainsaw and machete equivalent of a swordfight, slash his shoulder, though she could only do this and throw the saw at him, since it ran out of gas after she used it for the length of time she did, and Tommy came along to aid them.

When she used said chainsaw, though, she quipped: "Don't I just cut you deep with the way that I treat you?" and, upon finding out it was out of gas and hurling it at him, she heard him say a second before Tommy arrived: "WHOA! Looks like you're really out of it today, bitch! First chainsaw gas and now, in just a few moments, your life!"

When Tommy arrived, Reggie was elated to see him, but Tommy was so aghast at seeing what he believed to be a resurrected Jason Voorhees that he couldn't move or hear how Pam was screaming at him to run with Reggie's assistance, and Roy capitalized on this less than favorable position and state he was in by slashing him diagonally down the chest, causing him to fall over and scream in pain while looking at the blood on his hands from his chest wound.

"Well, looks like I just opened a treasure chest!" laughed Roy, but when he was about to impale Tommy with his machete, the latter took out a small knife and stabbed him in the thigh with it, shooting back at him: "And you just got legless thanks to a stabbing pain, too!"

Despite his wound, Tommy managed to get up and climb a ladder that led to where Pam and Reggie were calling him to get as so that he could join up with them in this showdown of all three of them working together.

Roy followed him, though, and when he looked down at Tommy and, thanks to how he was lying down with his wound still very much present and not moving, believed him to be dead, kept going until he spotted Reggie hiding behind a hay bale and swung his machete into one of the barn rafters, saying: "You think that this spot is going to allow you to BALE out of your position of imminent death, kid? Sharpen up, will you?"

Suddenly, just as he was moving in one Reggie, Pam smashed him in the back with a tall stick of wood with an oar-like end, and let out: "WOOD you like to know your fucking fate here, motherfucker? To be blunt, you're done for, so back off!"

"Atta girl, Pam! Stick it to him! Bludgeon him into admitting defeat!" cheered Reggie, but after a few swings of her stick, Pam was disarmed by a swing of Roy's machete, the latter going: "Your aggression and tenacity both stick out like a sore thumb, but your corpse wound will stick out even more than that, especially since the way you'll die is that I'll now stick you through, bitch!"

But the open barn window they were now near the edge of was above a tractor harrow, as Pam suddenly noticed, and when she faced him and kept moving as so to lessen the chances that he might be able to deal the fatal blow, Reggie, upon seeing Roy had her cornered and had his machete raised as so to do said fatal blow dealing, lunged forward just after Roy said: "Time for me to cut your fucking life short, bitch!"

Reggie was able to knock Roy out the window while Pam lunged aside, saying: "No way! Not with how pushy us kids can be!" and, while the two thought, for a time, that it was over, even hugging each other while looking carefully out of the window that everyone except Tommy had ended up close to, or, in Roy's case, out of, Roy suddenly appeared and took a hold of Reggie's leg as, much to Reggie's shock and Pam's, as well, he hadn't died and was trying to claw his way back up from the window he'd obviously been hanging from.

"Thought I was dead, did you?" he asked. "Well, you're going to have to put your life on hold, kid…forever! And whether or not your brazen act of pushing me through that window costs you an arm and a leg or just a leg is up for grabs!"

Pam took a hold of Reggie's arms, trying to pull him back and out of Roy's grip, but despite how she lost her grip on him and both of Roy's targets seemed doomed, Tommy had finally regained the ability to get back up, even though his wound was still present, obviously having lied down and pretended to be dead as so to recover as much as he could while surviving and getting back as much strength and energy as possible, and he went over to grab a hold of Roy's machete and use it against him just after Roy himself said: "You two are just delaying the inevitable! I am going to pull this off!"

Pam had gotten her grip on Reggie back and Tommy now went over while saying: "No, you aren't, because your efforts just aren't going to cut it! But mine are!" at the same time as raising the machete and cutting off some of Roy's fingertips, resulting in Pam pulling Reggie back to safety and Roy falling off of the edge while his mask fell off of him, as well, this being followed by how he landed on numerous ones of the tractor harrow's spikes and was very dead due to how badly they all impaled him.

Looking down and seeing his impaled corpse, their discovery that this was not Jason Voorhees like they believed it to have been, but actually Roy Burns, who was, ironically, trying to avenge his son just like Pamela had previously been trying to avenge hers, which was what the hell led to Jason Voorhees becoming what he was until Tommy killed him with Chris's help.

FRIDAY THE 13th PART VI: JASON LIVES

Sheriff Michael "Mike" Garris, who had been a really big jerk by doing everything from locking Tommy Jarvis up when the latter revived Jason Voorhees by mistake(he was intending the opposite, of course)and tried to tell him about it so that they could both do something and emphatically denying Jason's existence until that wasn't an option anymore when he saw Jason face to face and tried to shoot him dead, to no avail, since Jason was now a superhuman who was powerful enough so that bullets didn't mean shit to him.

Mind you, the two examples I gave were just that…two examples…of what the hell kind of a fucking asshole Sheriff Garris was, and after seeing that shooting Jason wasn't going to do a damn thing along with seeing no other options, Garris ran away, trying to elude the slasher villain, but Jason easily caught up to him despite how his target was running and he was walking, both of them through dark woods.

When Jason got a hold of him, he gave him the folding treatment, and while folding him over, snapping his spine in twain in the process, he said: "Hold up there, sheriff. You need to do me a favor here. You need to bend over backwards for me after shooting me so repeatedly like that. Or, at the very least, you need to get bent. And hey, one wouldn't be surprised to see you running away from me after finding out your gun wasn't going to do blow to help you. I mean, you're clearly spineless and half a man."

FRIDAY THE 13th PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD

Dr. Crews, perhaps one of the most corrupt, selfish, cowardly, greedy, heartless and godawful people in existence, headshrinker or otherwise, had, after capitalizing on the matter of Tina Shepard's problem concerning her psychokinetic superpowers(they showed themselves when she was a little girl and she used them to kill her father because of how abusive he was, an action she was ironically now sorry for)by bringing her, and her mother, Amanda Shephard, to where she did so in order to screw her up, elicit her powers and find a means to use them to his advantage, along with making sure Amanda didn't ask about the treatment via giving "Tina in an institution" threats, also caused Jason Voorhees to be reawakened from where Tommy Jarvis, with the assistance of Megan, the daughter of Sheriff Garris, who had been killed by Jason after, ironically, doing what he could do deny the slasher's existence until forced to fight him(also ironically, it was his fault Jason came back to life, even though what caused it to happen was supposed to be what got rid of what remained of Jason once and for all).

Indeed, the lake where Jason was trapped no longer had him trapped at all, and he had come free, though now we make our way to a point much later than that, specifically when the hell Amanda and Dr. Crews, after the latter's intentions were found out about by the former, were threatening each other viciously, but they didn't have any time to go any further than that due to Tina having stolen Amanda's car in order to flee.

Both took off after her in Dr. Crews' car, and at this point, not only had Jason whacked a giant handful of individuals after being brought back deliberately by Dr. Crews(as opposed to when Tommy Jarvis did it by accident), but he was still out there looking for further victims, as they would find out shortly after they saw the car that Tina had stolen on the side of the road and utterly totaled(indeed it was fucked up horrendously, with Tina having obviously run away, as she was nowhere to be seen).

So, getting out of the anything but good doctor's car, both of them looked for Tina further, but found Jason, instead, or, actually, Jason found them, with a brush axe in his hands, and when he attacked, Dr. Crews acted true to form and used Amanda to shield himself from Jason's, well, attack, causing her to be impaled in what was the most historically selfish and cowardly act done by anyone in a very, very, very long time, indeed.

While it happened, Jason said: "What a major find you two are! We've got some double jeopardy here. My AXE-ions are going to make you have a brush with death which turns into a meeting with it. I do hope I'm getting through to you, bitch, especially since it doesn't seem I can get through to that asshole who's using you as his shield. But at least you have the guts to accept your fate. You, in the meanwhile, are next, you bastard, especially after this act of absolute selfishness and pure cowardice."

This was another ironic instance in which the victim who Jason had just killed did not deserve it, but Dr. Crews was another story, and it was only going to be a matter of time before the man got his, and sure enough, after he took off from where Jason was and found Tina in the woods, lying to her and trying to manipulate her emotions once more, plus making sure he told her that her mother was gone without going into anything else about it, his calling after Tina after she took off would be followed by Jason catching up to him and causing him to run for his life, which he would still soon lose.

But despite Dr. Crews running off long and fast enough to briefly seem to have gotten away, Jason caught up to him once again, and now he was holding a motorized branch saw.

A second after Dr. Crews turned around to see Jason in front of him, the latter knocked him down onto the ground and got the aforementioned motorized branch saw going.

While a now terrified Dr. Crews did what he could to try and push himself away from his fate long enough to get back up and start running, he wasn't able to last even half a minute as Jason drove the now twice mentioned motorized branch saw right into his guts and let it go in a little further while saying during the time Dr. Crews screamed: "Your guts, my glory. My gory glory. Your actions and attitude both really grind my gears, and if only you SAW just how the hell fucking pathetic you look and sound right now. With the way I'm using a branch saw for this, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it'd make you scream even louder. By the way, it fits well that I'd use this on you, the way that it's motorized and you're such a motormouth. One who likes to lie, and now you're really going to lie…dead. But hey, with the shape of the blade, you can at least take comfort in the fact that you were proven to have a well-rounded personality. Anyway, what's it like being cut the fuck down to size, asshole? You might talk the talk, but you don't walk the walk like I do…although you do scream the scream. You really are a scream, too. Especially with how you're such a fucking wuss that you're clearly going to take this lying down. Forever. Really, my wrath, bloodlust and ruthlessness are clearly things that you can't stomach. How gutted you're feeling just now, indeed."

After he was finished and the not at all good doctor was very dead in the strongest fucking sense of the word, Jason said: "The doctor is out…forever. I damn well SAW to that."

Later on, when Tina believed herself to have killed Jason upon confronting him and utilizing her powers against the slasher, she went on in to the house that currently contained Nick and Melissa Paur, stating upon closing the door while the former came over to comfort her as she cried that she had gotten rid of Jason, but Jason had killed her mother(sadly, as she'd find out along with him and Melissa, only the latter was true).

Hugging Tina after that while she continued crying, during which time Jason was breaking out of everything that the woman had buried him under when she appeared to have won and gotten rid of him, both he and Tina would, after the latter sat down on an armchair and he knelt down next to it to keep consoling her, be subject to the compassionless, disrespectful, scathing and sharp-tongued words of the aforementioned Melissa Paur.

She was calling them crazy, making it clear she didn't believe any of what she was hearing and that they creeped her out, then started to take off and informed Nick that she was going back to bed when he asked her, asking him sarcastically if he wanted to come with her.

Additionally, when Nick warned her to stay in the house with him and Tina and told her not to go outside as a further part of his warning, Melissa didn't pay his words any heed and spoke very rudely to him and Tina, blowing the both of them off disdainfully.

Now, before we continue, a little something you should know about Melissa…as what you've read about her above probably gives away, the bitch was a real piece of work.

Not only was she a spoiled brat with a shallow, blunt and guileful personality, but along with that and believing her considerable wealth put her above everyone else, she was vindictive towards anyone and everyone she saw as a threat, even going so far as to, when Nick made it clear that he did not share the feelings for her that she did for him, along with having feelings for Tina which were most reciprocated, capitalize on Tina's problems and seduce Eddie, a great guy who she knew had feelings for her, to try and make Nick jealous, though this did not work(and, even though, unlike her, Eddie did not deserve to die, he had been killed by Jason prior to now).

Okay, now let's resume where we were before, when, just as Melissa turned around and opened the door, she, for the ultimate irony and greatest shock in her sorry, seconds away from ending life, saw Jason Voorhees standing right there in front of her, even though she didn't believe he was real at all and, indeed, as evidenced by what you read above, believed Nick and Tina crazy.

She gaped as Jason, after making his signature noise, raised the axe that he had picked up after getting himself free and said while bringing it down towards Melissa's face: "Hi, bitch. You just made your way to death's door. You really should have considered that someone might have been outside in front of you before just swinging the door open like that, but you were too stupid to do so, so face it. Your death is your own damn fault, and you can't do shit to fucking escape it or me. So in your face, bitch. You just got the axe."

Once his axe had slammed down into Melissa's face, he grabbed her by the left shoulder and hurled her towards a TV set with a lamp on top of it that he saw, saying as he did so: "But hey, in your final moments at least you get to be on TV, so lighten up! Because in just a second, it's lights out time for you, bitch. Doesn't it just throw you the way that life is so damn full of surprises?"

Melissa smashed into the lamp and upon the TV set, and then her corpse fell behind the latter, with Jason then turning his focus to Nick and Tina, meaning to pay the latter back for what she did to him before.

FRIDAY THE 13th PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN

Having made his way onto a boat which was headed for New York City, Jason had once more started up a killing spree, and we're going to check out one of the ones who would end up a victim who only too clearly had it coming.

Specifically, an incredibly evil, sinister, shameless, despicable, disgraceful, unlikable and horrible blonde bitch who went by the name of Tamara Manson.

First of all, not only was this rotten harpy a selfish, conceited cunt who was also manipulative for no reason other than to get what she wanted, with utter disregard for what might happen to others in the process of the way that she did, but she also did such heinous things as force her friend, Eva Watanabe, to join her in taking cocaine, push Rennee Michelle "Rennie" Wickham into the water WHEN SHE KNEW PERFECTLY WELL THAT THE GIRL WAS AQUAPHOBIC, blackmail her teacher, Charles McCulloch(who, ironically, was an awful person, too, but she was even worse)in order to not be disallowed to visit New York City over the matter of an overdue biology project, seduce someone if she believed it would benefit her, regardless of who they were and what that meant and do these things in a way that made it clear she couldn't be less sorry for any of it, nor could she be less ashamed for being such a horrid person.

And second of all, she didn't even have any kind of excuse or alibi or even halfway understandable reason or anything similar for any of this or being the way she was, nor could her undeserved beauty do a damn thing to cover up how ugly she was in every other way, especially given the fact that she never stopped telling everyone that she was voted prom queen, something that she most definitely didn't fucking deserve at all(it was pretty fucking blatant that she just flirted and bullied her way through life and didn't give a damn about anything concerning ethics, morals, what have you, and she certainly would never draw the line anywhere).

Seriously, this vile, revolting waste of life really needed to die, and die she would, as, just after she had gotten in the shower to wash off paintings that she had put on herself as a way to mock her teacher over the aforementioned biology project and gotten off said paint(though this was the only way in which she could be the least bit clean, of course), she noticed that Jason was coming towards her and quickly shut the door, but this proved futile, as Jason, when she put her ear to the door to find out whether he was still coming or not, smashed his fist through the door, pulled her over in a grip with his arm, pushed her headfirst into the bathroom mirror while ripping off the robe she was wearing and did the following things afterwards.

First, he opened the door and entered the bathroom, then, as the now naked Tamara, whose forehead was bleeding from hitting the mirror with her skull and falling over in the process, pulled herself into a corner, terrified out of her aforementioned skull, went over and punched the mirror as so to shatter it into big and small pieces of glass.

This was to be followed by how, just as Jason picked up a glass shard which was big enough to get the job done while Tamara was screaming for mercy and gripping a towel that she covered her torso up with and also clung to her body, he turned around and said: "Hi, bitch. Did you know that you're at death's door? I sure gave you a killer headache when you had a head-on collision with that mirror, and speaking of mirrors, the way that you die is going to mirror the way that you've lived your life, seeing as how you're going to die horribly."

Ignoring how she continued to wail for him not to kill her, which of course he was going to, Jason raised the glass shard and, well, continued talking: "Your ass is glass, bitch, and it's well worth pointing out that this nice old glass shard is a lot sharper than you are. I'm showering you with pain with how the hell I'm going to stick it to you. Oh, yeah, I'm going to cut you down to size. Something I'd like to point out to you about your antics, by the way…YOU NEED TO CUT IT OUT!"

He said those last six words as he drove the glass shard into her and she screamed in mortal pain as she shed her mortal coil, subsequently telling her corpse: "You SHARD have known better than to be such an unlikable, heartless slattern. Well, now you're bloody well done."

Later on, upon reaching the Big Apple, Jason would see first a billboard with a hockey mask that looked just like his own and then, not too long after that, a pair of hoods named Holmes and JoJo take a hold of Rennie, who had gotten onto the streets of Manhattan along with everyone else who had survived the boat ride to said city.

Not only did she get forcibly drugged, but Holmes, as he saw, was on his way to raping her, so he quickly picked up a needle and drove it through the bastard's back while pulling him, well, back, as so to make well sure of it he couldn't escape and that the needle would do exactly what he was intending it to do.

During this time, he said: "Back off, asshole. She doesn't want you, and you don't stand a chance against me any more than she does against you, so I can needle you as much as I want and you'll still be forced to back down. You were filling her full of heroin. Well, now I'm being a hero who's filling you full of death. You're so spineless, attacking someone who doesn't have a prayer of escaping when in the position you put them in, but now fate's just stabbed you in the back! Get the point? Well, I've sure made that point, that's for sure! This is one time in which being a backstabber is a good thing!"

Just then, JoJo came along and saw him, and, after furiously asking who he was and shooting him multiple times until he was out of bullets, he would then be taken a hold of by Jason and have his head smashed into a nearby pipe, and, as this happened and he died a most painful death at the same time as gases came out of the pipe, Jason punned: "Pipe down, dipshit. You had your shot and blew it. Now use your head and hold on tight…or is that what I'm doing to you? HA! Well, heads will roll, or in this case one will along with the rest of the corpse it's part of. You really should have known…getting high can kill you, and sure enough, in bringing me here to make you stop doing that and all else, including living, of course, it did."

Moving right along to noticeably later on in the movie, we get to where and when the hell Charles McCulloch was, and, as I mentioned before, he was an awful person, and now it was his turn to die.

After all, he'd been a horrible douchebag in causing Rennee, who was his niece(yeah, HIS NIECE, HE WAS HER UNCLE)her aquaphobia by, when she was a little girl, pushing her into the water in an attempt to teach her how to swim, .

So, after he'd been pushed into a pile of shredded paper by Rennee's friend, Sean, as he ran off along with her, following an accidental crash of a car they were in along with Colleen Van Deusen, who was killed thanks to sad crash after it caused the car to explode and take her with it, Jason would appear to make him pay for the above water incident and his being a constant-ass irritant, doing everything from annoying someone or more than one person every chance he got to refusing to credit teenagers who got a rowboat to New York Harbor solely because he didn't like that part of Manhattan to doing everything he could to try and prove that his niece was making everything up when she told of that same damn Jason.

First, he chased a shocked Charles, who now realized that he was wrong to believe that Jason didn't exist the hard way, and though the former made it into a building, Jason teleported in there and knocked him out of it through one of its windows.

Soon thereafter, Charles looked up to see Jason back and get picked up by him, which was followed by Jason bringing him over to a giant barrel of sewage and toxic waste, and even though he screamed for mercy, Jason granted him none and pushed him headfirst into said waste barrel, making sure that the top half of him was trapped in there until he was a corpse and then slammed his legs against a wall, during which time Jason was saying what follows.

"You're only delaying the inevitable, motherfucker! Your behavior has made it so that you've been building your way up to this moment! All hopes you have of escaping me just went out the window, and this is where you will fall! Hit the road, loser, because I'm about to take out the trash just now, and that trash is you! Sorry for barreling in on your life, but you're way in over your head with what kind of mess you've gotten yourself into! At least you get to drown your sorrows as I drown your sorry ass! You're on your last legs here just now! But soon you'll stop being such a waste of life, given you'll be lifeless in waste! Oh, would you just look at that? You just hit a wall here! And your life got turned upside down just before ending! Damn, you were a handful!"

JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY

Jason Voorhees, long after being lured into a trap and blown to bits by FBI agents, had possessed the body of, ironically, the kind of asshole he often killed after his spirit had possessed the bodies of several other people, who died every time he left their body, but now the asshole in question, Robert Campbell, was the newest Jason Voorhees, and far into what happened after he became that way, he was in a diner.

Having already killed several of the ones in said diner, the latest one being Shelby B., who he had burned to death on a deep fat fryer(and before entering the diner, he killed Ward B., Shelby's son, who had gone out at the time, no less!), saying to the man as he did so(although it was obviously his voice through Campbell's body): "You're looking fried there, guy! Well, you know the fuck what? If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!" and then tossing him onto the stove at the other side of the room, here's what happened next.

Or, actually, what happened during the deep frying part of Shelby's death, which was another ironically undeserved death, though the same could not be said for what happened to Shelby's wife, Joey B., who owned the diner, which was therefore called "Joey B.'s Diner".

Because, see, during the time in which the crazy, abusive and annoying(all beyond words)bitch saw what Robert Campbell Jason was doing to her husband, she tried to save him, hitting him and yelling furiously as she did so, but he simply swung around and nailed her in the mouth with a big elbowing move, saying while it happened: "Do the following things, bitch…give me some elbow room, back off and shut your mouth…forever. Seriously. Just shut the fuck up already. Again, forever. I'm thinking that your attempt to save this loser husband of yours here just blew the fuck up in your face, bitch. And from the look of things, I think right."

It would later be revealed that a cop named Randy was possessed by Jason's spirit and, as such, Robert Campbell was now dead, too, and, when Jason's spirit left Campbell's body, he let out: "Nice job on doing what I needed you to do for me, but I don't need you anymore, so it's time for us both to depart. It sure was quite an inside job, using you as a means to come back to life, motherfucker."

JASON X

Jason Voorhees had been captured after so many years of murderous rampages and lethal onslaughts against almost anyone he met, in camps or otherwise, but instead of making sure to get rid of him in full once and for all and thus eternally end the threat that he posed in a way that ensured he would never, ever come back, no matter what, the government, who had now approached the captured Jason, had done no such thing.

Instead, they had kept him with them, with a desire to experiment on him in order to figure out what enabled him to constantly return regardless of what happened beforehand present, but this allowed Jason to somehow break free(no one saw it happen)and also kill a guy to put in his place in a way that made it look exactly like it did when he was in those chains with that giant rag over his body.

That said, it should hardly surprise you that what the hell happened next was that Jason showed up after said rag was taken off and the government members were shocked and confused to see the replacement corpse in the chains, which was Private Johnson's, and this made it child's play for Jason to sneak up on the first one of the government members he killed, specifically one of their guards, and get rid of said guard with a blunt weapon of sorts, though he did so, well, so fast that no one could tell what it was, though it was clearly a blow in the back of the head.

Jason then started punning away: "Hi there, morons. Hate to be so damn blunt with you, but you really should have used your heads in a better way than this."

An instant later, he was choking another guard, saying to him: "Say, asshole, why the hell are you looking so choked up all of a sudden?" until he heard and felt a gunshot, which prompted him to hurl the man at third guard, telling him while performing this action: "Ah, your pal's quite the hotshot, I see. Well, I'm going to have to make you hurl with how I make sure he hits you dead on with those shots."

As soon as that next guy was dead and Jason saw a third guard, he got hold of a chain and slung it around his neck, pulling hard while saying: "Aren't I such a pain in the neck? Do pardon me for yanking your chain, but I've found the weak link in it and I've got to pull this off, so I've got to make you feel really down. For good."

After he was on the floor and dead, having been choked to death by that chain, Jason got hold of another blunt weapon, which also wasn't seen long enough for one to be able to specifically tell what it was, and whacked the one who he'd tossed the second guard into, since it could have only been him who'd gotten up by now, given what had been going on, across the skull, adding on: "Heads up! You're about to pay for falling for this little trick of mine like you did the one where I used your pal against you to shield myself and knock your ass the fuck over! Talk about a bludgeon to your image, the way I'm whacking you so badly. One would think you'd run after I made it clear with that idiot you accidentally shot to death that you needed to knock it off, but it looks like one would be wrong. Dead wrong. Keep it the fuck down this time, okay?"

Jason then noticed that Dr. Aloysius Bartholomew Wimmer, who was the reason that he was kept alive, since this was the guy who wanted the aforementioned experimentation on him done, was running away.

But while picking up a spear(either that or a spear-like object, but either way, it could be used like a spear), Jason looked at him and said: "Ah, ah, ah! Just where the hell do you think you're going, coward? I'll tell you where."

He then hurled his weapon at Wimmer, and it went right the fuck through his back and the area between his chest and abdomen, with Jason going: "To death's door and then the gates of the aforementioned hell, that's where! And then into hell itself, of course. SPEAR-iously, you should have been sharper than this thing and gotten rid of me. But thanks for being such a stupid fool. After all, it enabled me to survive instead of you and those pitiful guards of yours. Anyway, since you're in the middle of dying, I'll just switch my focus to the next matter here."

Looking at where Sergeant Marcus and head researcher Rowan LaFontaine were after a time of, well, looking for them, he said: "And that's the motherfucking matter of these two here, and it would appear that the sarge here is going to be the easy prey between the two of you, the way that I knocked him over during all of this."

Rowan heard what he was saying after having looked about behind a wall, one which also had a door, for a time, and then she saw Marcus get hurled so hard against the said door from the other side that it was knocked down, just like he'd been before, but even harder, just like he hit the surface that he was knocked into even harder, and a shocked Rowan saw the now dying Marcus lying down.

It was clear that he'd been thrown against the door with enough force for it to prove fatal, and with his final breaths, which he was taking when Rowan ran over to him, he told her that she needed to run, and after he died, she turned around to see Jason right in front of her, and indeed they were now face to face.

"Well, hello there, miss goner." Jason said to her. "I see that your sergeant pal tried to help you have a chance to escape after he hurled so badly that he was at death's door after hitting a wall. He must have felt down after that, and the way that he told your ass to run? How gallant of him. But you know what the hell they say…no good deed goes unpunished, and now he was really punished…with death at my hands. Anyway, let's face it, bitch…you're done for, too. I found you both a short while ago. And now that I've made sure that the sarge will just knock it off forevermore, it's time to put your research on anything to an end once and for all, which I will be doing. Maybe they'll research you in order to find out how the hell anyone could be so fucking stupid as to take part in shit like this post-mortem."

Rowan picked up the gun that the dead Marcus had lying on top of him after his previous ownership of it, and she took off just as Jason said: "Oh, sticking to your guns, are you, bitch? And going the other route in terms of the possibility that you'll face me? Well, it'll do you no good. Because I am going to catch up to you and I am going to kill you like I did all of these others."

After a time of running from Jason, Rowan got to a cryogenic chamber, and, upon finding a place to hide in order to lure, and then lock, him in there and put him in a giant ice block, she saw him come along to where she was and stayed quiet as he looked for where she might be, saying: "Oh, goner? Come out, come out, wherever you are. We both know you're only delaying the inevitable."

Just then, she showed herself/made her presence known while staying behind the table where she had been, well, behind during the time she was hiding instead of standing like she was now, and she immediately started shooting Jason, who, just before he was facing her previously, had gotten hold of a machete that he was now holding(when and how wasn't seen).

As it happened, she made sure that said gunshots knocked him increasingly close to the freezing chamber, and just after Jason asked in astonishment and confused: "Hey! What the fuck is this shit, bitch?" while managing not to drop his machete, she used her foot to push the whole table she'd previously been using as a hiding place towards him while also hitting him with another shot, the combo of which got him fully into the freezing chamber, followed by how she ran over and shut the huge door of the damn thing as fast as she could and, by the time it was shut, she quickly got to work locking it.

Just as Jason was trapped in there and then, thanks to her getting what would let loose the freezing essence that would, well, freeze Jason solid, she believed herself triumphant, and it seemed she was, as she first smiled while breathing a sigh of relief and then started panting while still leaning against the door, since all of this had tired her out.

But Jason, who had not been put in that massive ice block yet, yelled from inside: "HEY! YOU FUCKING THINK YOU'VE WON AND STOPPED ME?!"

Rowan then looked at Jason through the glass that enabled someone to see what was in the freezing chamber from outside, or vice versa, and then, as he barked at her: "Think you're so cool? Think you're cooler than me, bitch? Think you're sharper than me? Well, fuck you! If I'm getting frozen into an ice statue, then I'm icing you as I put you into the cold-ass sleep of death!" he managed to drive his machete through the inside of the door and outside of it just enough so that he could nail her in the midriff with the frontal end of it.

"Yeah, you've got guts!" yelled Jason. "But now I've ruined them by being so fucking sharp with you as to make a point and shown to have a gas problem which, ironically, proves that I'm cooler than you, as well as shows my coldness towards you, as I put you on ice and make it so you're blue in the face by knowing that, even with imminent imprisonment on the way thanks to you, I still managed to murder your ass in cold blood! Pretty damn cold hearted of me, don't you think? I really froze you out!"

While it seemed like Rowan had been killed and that Jason had, as well, with the former being frozen solid outside of the chamber by the freezing essence that came out of it and onto(read: all over)her, it would prove not to be that simple in either of their cases, because, see, here's how it is.

Way later on, and way into the future, in 2455, when it had turned out that neither Rowan nor Jason were dead, plenty of things had happened, one of which was Jason managing to escape the cryogenic chamber he'd been trapped in after being unfrozen and another of which was it being made sure of that Rowan would survive her otherwise fatal machete stomach wound, as well(long story as to how both happened).

But now there was not exactly little matter of Professor Braithwaite Lowe, who had planned to, once he researched Jason upon learning of his arrival in the spaceship ridden by people from a different planet as was lived on in this time(as Earth had become too polluted to live on by now, and these people were specifically his students, who had accidently brought Jason to their spaceship), take him to the planet on which people currently live and sell him to a collector for a whopping, incalculable amount of money.

And without telling any of his students about what he discovered concerning Jason so that no one would get in the way of his scheme, which was, if it worked, sure to make him easily the richest one in the universe.

But in executing this fiendish, sinister plot, he was to find out that the now unfrozen Jason not only got infused with healing nanobots, but besides how he also killed the bulk of the crew on this spaceship, he would find himself on a brand new planet and cause nothing short of a killing spree that most never knew could possibly truly happen.

So Professor Lowe was the reason, and indeed at fault, for how these lives were ended(again, it was both his companions and an entire brand new planet), and he was easily to blame for unforgivable crimes against lives across an entire galaxy.

That said, you knew he wouldn't survive Jason's visit to the room he was in when said visit happened, and although it seemed like he might at first, oddly enough, with how he said everything that he could possibly think of to escape Jason's wrath and the slasher wasn't attacking, this was quickly proven not to be so(thank God).

Because following when Jason, upon arrival and hearing all of this from the blatantly terrified Lowe, said: "Shut the fuck up." upon noticing a machete on his table of various things, and then added: "The machete. Now." when he picked that machete up and could tell that it was the real thing, not a substitute like the kind of blade he'd been holding beforehand, Lowe would turn his attention from Jason and leave himself wide open for the latter to kill him like he so richly deserved.

After all, he allowed Jason to take it and was now letting everyone know that the killer wanted it back and now had it, which was true, but what he didn't know was that Jason intended to use it to chop his head off, and indeed, he did, though it was unseen, but it wasn't unheard, as, when Jason decapitated him, he said: "Actually, I also wanted to use it on you. But don't act too afraid or be too shocked about that. You'll lose your head. Although, you are a cut above the rest and sure as hell made the cut in terms of what victims of mine more than deserve it. Anyway, it's been a slice. Thanks…for the machete, and for being my latest victim. I was dying for both."

FREDDY VS JASON

Trey Cooper, the boyfriend of Gibb Smith, was an emotionally abusive prick who was also rude, cruel and demanding, not to mention that he, and his closest friend, Blake Mueller, crashed a private gathering at the home of Lori Campbell, who was there alongside Gibb and Kia Waterson, the latter of whom was Lori's closest friend.

Even though they were looking forward to getting into bed and then getting down with each other, Trey's words to Gibb throughout the whole damn time in which they were doing it a short time after he and Blake arrived were very disrespectful and condescending, much like how he spoke to her upon arriving alongside Blake was.

When they finished up, Gibb went to take a shower, and while she did so, Jason Voorhees, who had recently been gotten out of hell by Freddy Krueger, who was there thanks to being shut out and forgotten by everyone(and to Hypnocil, a dream suppressing drug), with his name never being mentioned, and thus was going to use him as a means to make everyone afraid and remember him so that he could get into their dreams once more, entered the house and saw Trey on the bed.

Since Trey was lying on his stomach while holding a beer and looking in the opposite direction of where Jason was coming, it was all too easy for Jason to get the drop on him and then make sure he dropped dead, letting loose the following witticisms as he did so by first stabbing him repeatedly with his machete and then pulling each end of the bed inwards until Trey's body was folded backwards enough for his spine to snap, which it did.

"Hello, Trey. I've learned a lot since getting busted out of hell. Including what a rotten prick you are. Oh, yes, you are quite the asshole, indeed. Treating your girl like shit and crashing a private gathering and everything. Well, you made the bed. Now lie in it. Lie dead in it, that is. You're going to bend over backwards for her after what you did, at least after I cut you deep and prove how spineless you are when push comes to shove."

A lot later on, the aforementioned Blake Mueller, who had pulled a lot of rotten shit at Lori's house after he and Trey did the also aforementioned crashing of the private gathering, had passed out drunk outside, and was attacked by Freddy Krueger in his dream. However, he woke up, unaware that his father, who he saw next to him, had been decapitated by Jason…until he shook him after his father didn't respond to anything he said to him and saw the head fall off of him, promptly screaming in fear.

And then, as if on cue, it was like father, like son when Jason showed up and, as he swung his machete down to kill Blake, the latter held his father's severed head up as a shield, only to find out in his final moments that it was not enough to save him from the fatal blow dealt by Jason, who quipped: "I wonder if it sits well with you that I would show your father a way to use his head, although if he were still alive, this would be one hell of a splitting headache for him. While I can see why you'd try to block me out, I'm still making the cut here, much like, unlike my machete, your efforts to save yourself don't cut it. So face it, Blake…you need to take a backseat. Forgive my being so cutting towards you."

Even further later on, Frisell, who was part of a corn field rave being held the night after Trey Cooper was killed by Jason, he noticed that Gibb was stumbling around through the rows of corn and very clearly drunk, something that prompted him to follow her until he saw that said fried state had caused her to pass out.

Once she had, he got close enough to her to start fucking her helpless, unconscious body, so he glanced around and looked about carefully and made sure that no one was in sight, nor that anyone could see him, and as soon as he saw that he was going to be able to mount her along with fondle and grope her(and maybe go further than that)without getting caught, he started to do all three of those things.

But his strong focus being solely on what he was doing to the currently comatose Gibb left him well open and indeed made him an easy target for a currently present, and approaching, Jason Voorhees, who drove a broken length of pipe that he was holding into the both of them, and although both of them died, Gibb was lucky enough so that, despite being terrorized by Freddy Krueger in her dreams, she would now simply never wake up and was saved from him killing her in a much worse way like he predictably and naturally intended to.

Meanwhile, Frisell died while awake and in one hell of a painful, nasty way, which was just what he deserved and a fitting way for his terrible life to end, so Jason had taken away what both Frisell and Freddy wanted, even if it was two entirely different things, and sent Gibb to heaven, even though her well being was not his focus or what he was meaning to make sure of.

Anyway, after he performed this action, during which time he went: "Care to pipe down there, Frisell? You've got to understand that taking a stab at seeing how much damage you can take is something I couldn't resist. It would seem, though, that given how you were in the middle of getting your way with Gibb right there when I came here to kill you, I delivered a double whammy and indeed proved to be double jeopardy, the way that I showed myself to be so dangerous, given how both you, and her, for that matter, ended up thanks to me. Although, the way that you deserved it far more than she did, given you're a sneaky, dirty, immoral little rapist and all, really does make me want to hurl." he took a hold of Frisell's body and tossed it away far into the distance.

He then put in an additional pun: "Now, away with you. You get off her and then I off you."

Freddy Krueger, after having had quite the series of fights with Jason Voorhees thanks to how, in the ultimate irony and backfired plan, he'd brought Jason back from hell to make it so that everyone would remember him and become afraid enough so he could make his way out of that same hell, but once Jason's part was done, the machete carrying hockey mask wearer was not going to let Freddy replace him, was now in quite the further unfavorable position.

As in, besides how he'd taken a lot of damage from Jason despite dishing plenty of it out to his nemesis, Lori and her ex-boyfriend, who went by the name of Will Rollins, had set the dock the two were fighting on, well, on fire, and even though further damage from Freddy was dealt to Jason, Jason returned the favor by, having already pulled off Freddy's right arm, yanking out what little heart(or a post-mortem substitute thereof)he had, and the explosions from the fires, which set them both aflame, sent both flying into the water, with Freddy coming out and holding Jason's machete, ready to attack both of his fire utilizing foes.

So why was this a further unfavorable position for the sleep slasher dream demon?

Because his now focusing entirely on his two intended victims because he just assumed that there was no way in hell that Jason survived the fall into the water below the docks like he did made him all too open, and indeed made it all too easy, for Jason to swim back up with his right arm still in his hand and impale him from behind/through the back with the damn thing.

As the pain and shock Freddy was now feeling cause him to go still and gasp in surprise and agony, he was left further vulnerable so that, just after Jason said: "Back off, Krueger. I'm in the mood to be quite the backstabber, and you don't have the spine to finish either of those two off. Although I will hand it to you that your right arm, hand and that special glove on the latter really do come in handy, but you still really need to sharpen up and understand the pain I'm now putting you through. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you weren't expecting this and it hurts like hell. Have I gotten through to you? Looks like it. You shouldn't have left me armed with a means to take you down, you goddamn dipshit." and fell back into the water, Freddy dropped his machete and Lori saw a chance to get rid of him in full via use of it.

And get rid of him in full via use of it she did, as, after picking it up and saying to him what he'd said to her when she'd fallen asleep and he'd tried to kill her while she was dreaming, she promptly decapitated him and his head fell into the water along with the rest of his body.

FRIDAY THE 13th REMAKE

A really big jerk named Trent Sutton, who had constantly been doing everything from acting like his being really rich put him above everyone else to making it clear that, as far as he was concerned, only he and the matter of him fucking someone, well, mattered, to pressuring a girl named Jenna(who was part of the group he took to his family cabin in Camp Crystal Lake)to do with aforementioned fucking(which she refused, something that he responded to by hooking up with one of her friends, instead, this being during the time when Jason Voorhees was taking life after life among the group, and, also during that time, a man named Clay Miller was looking for his missing sister after being met by the group and asking them for help, with Trent's words being that he didn't care about him or the sister in question)to, upon being found by Jenna later on, yelling at her about cheating on him, even though it was clearly the other way around.

Not to mention that, as if that were not enough, when he had his father's gun in his hands, he didn't use it against Jason…he shot his way through walls and also shot the girl he'd previously boinked(although she was most likely dead, anyway, but the rottenness was certainly there on his part).

Yeah, this piece of work did all that and, between that and making everyone else's lives miserable as hell while being a controlling douche(all because he looked down on them and indeed thought them inferiors just because they didn't have the sort of wealth and what came with it that he did), one can only imagine how wonderful it would be if he were to get his in the form of getting offed horrendously.

And that is just what the hell would fucking happen, to be sure, and in a way most wonderful, agonizing and ironic.

Upon stumbling down that street, he was seen by the driver of a passing tow truck, who stopped his vehicle and gave Trent a motioning to go towards the truck, but Trent had no time to do shit before Jason showed up behind him and slammed his machete through him.

"You really are an asshole, asshole." Jason told Trent, before going on: "Someone seriously needs to stick it to you, and that someone's going to be me! Get the point? Maybe if you stayed sharp, you might have survived! But not so. You're now going to shut the TRUCK up forever, you piece of shit!"

Subsequently seeing a row of spikes on the back of the truck, Jason made sure of it that Trent would be impaled on them, adding on: "Oh, yeah, you're through…something that I ensured through the use of these spikes."

After the driver then quickly drove his truck away, Trent's corpse bounced about and Jason said: "How about that? I had no idea you liked that driver so much, douchebag. You're so stuck on him. In fact, you're really getting carried away just now. Yeah, Trent, your life is spent."

THE END

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